The Official Weblog of the Evil Atheist Conspiracy

Bastard Oz

2005-10-23T21:39:00.000+13:00

The Christian Right has managed to sneak its way into Australia. Intelligent Design is creeping ever closer to New Zealand shores - I'm very angry with someone for not assassinating this politician.

Satanic Church doesn't pay taxes

2005-10-21T10:42:00.000+13:00

Our attempts at creating a new, media-friendly version of Atheism have come to fruition. The Atheistic Church of Reality has been granted tax-exempt status, allowing us to keep our ill-gotten gains for purposes of taking over the world. Bwahahahahaha!

Start spreading the news...

2005-10-07T16:02:00.000+13:00

New York, New York, the city that never sleeps, is the target of our next atheisterrorist attack on the States. But why, you might ask, would you want to attack what is practically the centre of all atheist activities in North America? First of all, that's actually Toronto. Second, being atheists, everyone in the EAC is amoral, callous and disrespectful towards the sanctity of life. We don't care who dies in our mission to subversively rid the world of Christianity/Religion, and the Big G. New York is symbolic of America - it's the heart of America. Statue of liberty, September 11th, all that stuff. The instinctive reaction is "not New York! Why not Atlantic City?" Anyways, we're not so sure it'll go ahead anyhow. The media attention was a mistake, an accidental leak. The guilty party is being forced to wear a cross (which burns an atheist's skin, by the way) for a whole week - that ought to teach him to be careful with classified data. Luckily, the way we organised, no more than a few people will be incriminated - it's a pity so many specific details were released, though. I asked one of the high-ups who shall remain nameless if we should radically alter the plans. He told me to fuggedaboudit.

Jesus saves...

2005-10-04T20:00:00.000+13:00

...shoots, and SCORES!

Yeah, I know it's unoriginal. Eh.

So, one of atheism's most powerful pseudo-Christian agencies, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, is sure to experience a revival with Joseph Smith's birthday in a couple of months (just after mine, by the way). I'm sure new members will be signing up left and right, delving ever deeper into the secrets of the Church and its Magic Underpants, only to found out, when it is too late, that they have been assisting atheism all along. Every day I grow more and more proud of our achievements in trying to send all of the Earth's souls into eternal hellfire. It almost makes me cry.

Moderate liberal on the Supreme Court! Booyah!

2005-10-04T19:49:00.000+13:00

Oh, yeah. Oh friggin' yeah. In a major victory for atheists everywhere, President Bush has appointed a moderate supported by Democrats. The Supreme Court is the ultimate authority in interpreting the word of the law, and if the Republicans have no clear majority, things could turn in our favour in cases concerning Science and education, atheism's two greatest weapons.

And, in case anyone was wondering after reading the last post - not all EAC activities are reported by news outlets, but I am only authorised to release information on our movements once the results have become public or it is obvious that atheists are in some way behind it. Then, I am free to provide non-classified information and commentary. I know about a lot of things that have to be kept hush-hush for the moment (not too many - I'm not that high-up), but I cannae post on them, in case someone like the Christian Alliance catches wind and tries to thwart us. Curse them and their constant thwarting!

Slow day for atheism

2005-09-28T17:53:00.000+12:00

Nothing much happening so recently. Copycatastrophe Rita, summoned up through satanic atheist rituals to capitalise on the disaster caused by Katrina, and cause people to lose yet more faith in their God-fearing President, is causing havoc as expected. More news on intelligent design. Don Adams, a hero for all ages, is dead (I'm quite sad about this one - Get Smart was awesomtastic). Atheism can't spread noticeably every day, after all.

I lahve California

2005-09-24T12:28:00.000+12:00

California as an outstanding example of atheist depravity. In less than a century, atheist liberal film directors and actors have turned it into a beacon of hope for all us God-haters everywhere. Our Californians even managed to get a liberal into the Republican Party. Who woulda thunk it possible? He was doing a fine job governating for a while, making it seem to the outside world that California might not be as Satan-friendly as it actually is, but then he had to go and ruin it, by vetoing the bill that would let atheist homosexual couples marry. Sorry, but a liberal Christian was the best thing we could get into the Republican Party. There's no way the GOP would let an actual atheist into their midst. We'll have to replace him with an out-and-out atheist. There goes the facade of Christian-friendliness - we used it to lure in religious types, then we lynched 'em.

U.S. Supreme Court: this is big, fellow conspirators

2005-09-20T19:36:00.000+12:00

Crap, and here I was thinking everything was all right in America, having infiltrated Congress to a reasonably successful (not as successful as Clinton let us be, but hey, this is a Christian Republican administration, it's the best we can do) degree, and used our weather-control machines to create a hurricane, then deliberately obstructing and smearing FEMA and Bush. Now it turns out Mr. Roberts, the Jesus-in-Chief's nomination for Supreme Court guy, may have a shot at it after all, and if he doesn't, this new conservative (Christian) guy may get the job. Sheesh. Sometimes I think I should just be appointed head of Worldwide Atheist Activities Committee.

Damned Irakkis

2005-09-20T19:29:00.000+12:00

The atheist Moslems in charge of Operation: Enslave Iraq have been due for a demotion for a long while now, and I'm hoping this recent fiasco, allowing Christian American soldiers to escape from prison, will convince the World Summit of Evil Atheist Conspirators of it. First, the Middle Eastern atheists give up the Holy Land in the Crusades, then they give up Afghanistan and Iraq, all of which were under quite satisfactory atheist control. It just burns me up, seeing these bungles over and over again. Their only recent success has been in procuring a Sharia law-based constitution for Iraq, which should ensure the continuation of atheism in its Moslem form throughout the area for a good long while.

I am an atheist and Satan is my God

2005-09-18T17:03:00.000+12:00

Hoo-boy, is it tiring for our boys in America, trying to keep God's divinely inspired Word out of schools. Utter and deliberate rejection of a God that we know full well to exist isn't always easy, but no one ever said it would be. That sneaky bugger, God, has been trying to foil us with this 'Intelligent Design' thingy. Well, we're not fooled. It would be easier, though, if our archenemy, that very same God, hadn't granted William Dembski omniscience. Mr. Dembski's ideas of Intelligent Design are seeping into the public consciousness - don't worry though, the good ol' science establishment (entirely atheist, naturally) is doing their bit to deny God with Science. The key claim of ID is that there is no possible way for certain aspects of life to evolve. Obviously, Dembski, knows of every possible way in which these aspects could have arisen, ever, or else he would not be able to make this claim. Hence, omniscience. Personally, I think granting divine powers to our enemies is cheating. That God is a dirty, lowdown sneak, he is.

The CDU in Germany

2005-09-16T15:48:00.000+12:00

Oh me, oh my, for a while there, our German correspondents were worried. Now it looks like everything may turn out all right after all. That Christian Democratic Union were the frontrunners for the next DE election for a good long time, but the Socialist Democratic Party is gaining ground, and will definitely have a significant presence in their next government. Our movements to suppress Christianity through science and politics grow more successful every day...

Curses! Foiled again!

2005-09-15T14:48:00.000+12:00

Damn those men at the UN. At their recent summit, they called for worldwide action against poverty and terrorism, two of our strongest weapons in spreading our evil atheism. Not only do the victims of each lose hope in a benevolent Almighty, but the very existence of each does the same to others. I thought those phony papers we gave to Mr. Bush had fooled him and the rest of the Reds that poverty was no problem at all. Now it turns out we'll have to double the power to our space-poverty satellites.

Oh well. At least Iraq's new constitution will be based on Sharia law, making it a Moslem, and therefore, atheist, state! Muahahahahahaha!

Take THAT, America!

2005-09-15T14:30:00.000+12:00

Lawrence Karlton, I salute you! A long-time member of the Conspiracy, Judge Karlton has just ruled that the words 'under God' in the Pledge of Allegiance, added in 1954 (this was the event that led to the creation of the Evil Atheist Conspiracy, in fact) were unconstitutional. Mr. Karlton was promoted to Grand Jesus-Smasher for this act, and is reportedly very happy with the benefits this new position incurs. Our men in Congress, though outnumbered by those trashy, moralistic, decent Christian Republicans, plan to try and get him into the U.S. Supreme Court.

The nation no longer stands under God! Another victory for the atheists!

Katrina: 1 - God: 0

2005-09-15T14:24:00.000+12:00

I must congratulate our agents in the MSM on their reporting of the recent incidents in New Orleans. Entirely because of atheism, President Bush, that beacon of hope to all moral Christians, has been made to look like an incompetent fool! Our liberal buddies have been all over these 'slow responses' of his, not letting the populace into the secret that it was the atheists who stopped FEMA from working effectively, and it was the atheists who denied Red Cross workers into New Orleans - we couldn't allow an organisation with a cross as its symbol in to give aid, when our plans to cause all of NOLA to lose faith in God were going so well. Well done, CNN, well done.

Welcome!

2005-09-15T14:10:00.000+12:00

Welcome to the Official Weblog of the Evil Atheist Conspiracy! Readers should note that, when I say 'official', I actually mean 'unofficial'. I do so to for purpose of clarity, and also because the idea was invented in the novel Nineteen Eighty-four, and George Orwell was a socialist and denied God. The purpose of the weblog is to indoctrinate new members, and also to laugh in the face of the religious right as they are defeated at every turn. I will provide news of our victories, and provide general information about the ConspiracyHere at the EAC, our mission is to take over the world and completely replace religion with secularism. We have infiltrated the media (except Fox, but we don't really care), and it is our fault that news stories are portrayed with a liberal bias. We are responsible for the moral decline in Norway and other European countries. There is no escaping - we are...evil.