Bastard Oz

The Christian Right has managed to sneak its way into Australia. Intelligent Design is creeping ever closer to New Zealand shores - I'm very angry with someone for not assassinating this politician.

Satanic Church doesn't pay taxes

Our attempts at creating a new, media-friendly version of Atheism have come to fruition. The Atheistic Church of Reality has been granted tax-exempt status, allowing us to keep our ill-gotten gains for purposes of taking over the world. Bwahahahahaha!

Start spreading the news...

New York, New York, the city that never sleeps, is the target of our next atheisterrorist attack on the States. But why, you might ask, would you want to attack what is practically the centre of all atheist activities in North America? First of all, that's actually Toronto. Second, being atheists, everyone in the EAC is amoral, callous and disrespectful towards the sanctity of life. We don't care who dies in our mission to subversively rid the world of Christianity/Religion, and the Big G. New York is symbolic of America - it's the heart of America. Statue of liberty, September 11th, all that stuff. The instinctive reaction is "not New York! Why not Atlantic City?" Anyways, we're not so sure it'll go ahead anyhow. The media attention was a mistake, an accidental leak. The guilty party is being forced to wear a cross (which burns an atheist's skin, by the way) for a whole week - that ought to teach him to be careful with classified data. Luckily, the way we organised, no more than a few people will be incriminated - it's a pity so many specific details were released, though. I asked one of the high-ups who shall remain nameless if we should radically alter the plans. He told me to fuggedaboudit.

Jesus saves...

...shoots, and SCORES!

Yeah, I know it's unoriginal. Eh.

So, one of atheism's most powerful pseudo-Christian agencies, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, is sure to experience a revival with Joseph Smith's birthday in a couple of months (just after mine, by the way). I'm sure new members will be signing up left and right, delving ever deeper into the secrets of the Church and its Magic Underpants, only to found out, when it is too late, that they have been assisting atheism all along. Every day I grow more and more proud of our achievements in trying to send all of the Earth's souls into eternal hellfire. It almost makes me cry.

Moderate liberal on the Supreme Court! Booyah!

Oh, yeah. Oh friggin' yeah. In a major victory for atheists everywhere, President Bush has appointed a moderate supported by Democrats. The Supreme Court is the ultimate authority in interpreting the word of the law, and if the Republicans have no clear majority, things could turn in our favour in cases concerning Science and education, atheism's two greatest weapons.

And, in case anyone was wondering after reading the last post - not all EAC activities are reported by news outlets, but I am only authorised to release information on our movements once the results have become public or it is obvious that atheists are in some way behind it. Then, I am free to provide non-classified information and commentary. I know about a lot of things that have to be kept hush-hush for the moment (not too many - I'm not that high-up), but I cannae post on them, in case someone like the Christian Alliance catches wind and tries to thwart us. Curse them and their constant thwarting!

Slow day for atheism

Nothing much happening so recently. Copycatastrophe Rita, summoned up through satanic atheist rituals to capitalise on the disaster caused by Katrina, and cause people to lose yet more faith in their God-fearing President, is causing havoc as expected. More news on intelligent design. Don Adams, a hero for all ages, is dead (I'm quite sad about this one - Get Smart was awesomtastic). Atheism can't spread noticeably every day, after all.

I lahve California

California as an outstanding example of atheist depravity. In less than a century, atheist liberal film directors and actors have turned it into a beacon of hope for all us God-haters everywhere. Our Californians even managed to get a liberal into the Republican Party. Who woulda thunk it possible? He was doing a fine job governating for a while, making it seem to the outside world that California might not be as Satan-friendly as it actually is, but then he had to go and ruin it, by vetoing the bill that would let atheist homosexual couples marry. Sorry, but a liberal Christian was the best thing we could get into the Republican Party. There's no way the GOP would let an actual atheist into their midst. We'll have to replace him with an out-and-out atheist. There goes the facade of Christian-friendliness - we used it to lure in religious types, then we lynched 'em.

U.S. Supreme Court: this is big, fellow conspirators

Crap, and here I was thinking everything was all right in America, having infiltrated Congress to a reasonably successful (not as successful as Clinton let us be, but hey, this is a Christian Republican administration, it's the best we can do) degree, and used our weather-control machines to create a hurricane, then deliberately obstructing and smearing FEMA and Bush. Now it turns out Mr. Roberts, the Jesus-in-Chief's nomination for Supreme Court guy, may have a shot at it after all, and if he doesn't, this new conservative (Christian) guy may get the job. Sheesh. Sometimes I think I should just be appointed head of Worldwide Atheist Activities Committee.

Damned Irakkis

The atheist Moslems in charge of Operation: Enslave Iraq have been due for a demotion for a long while now, and I'm hoping this recent fiasco, allowing Christian American soldiers to escape from prison, will convince the World Summit of Evil Atheist Conspirators of it. First, the Middle Eastern atheists give up the Holy Land in the Crusades, then they give up Afghanistan and Iraq, all of which were under quite satisfactory atheist control. It just burns me up, seeing these bungles over and over again. Their only recent success has been in procuring a Sharia law-based constitution for Iraq, which should ensure the continuation of atheism in its Moslem form throughout the area for a good long while.